Total Recall
by Agent66
Summary: A forgotten surgery, a mysterious woman, and a strange alien surround Donnie as he tries to find answers to questions no one is bothering to explain.
1. Prologue

A/N: Just a quick note to thank RhodaJ for letting me bombard her with fics on a daily basis. This fic is based on a Star Trek Voyager season 5 episode entitled "Latent Image"; it is available on YouTube if you'd like to check it out. As with my other TMNT fics, this is based on the 2003 cartoon series (not including FF or BTTS) and does hint upon the 2007 CGI movie.

DISCLAIMER - TMNT and its characters are creations of Laird, Eastman, and Mirage Studios. ST Voyager is a product of CBS studios, in relation with the core series, which is owned by Gene Roddenberry. Scientific things were found in part to Google and Wikipedia.

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* * *

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**Total Recall**

_Prologue_

* * *

"Hold still, Mikey!"

It was that time again; the time of year that everyone in the Hamato household loathed with as much contempt as they did their arch enemy, The Shredder.

"Michelangelo, I'm not going to tell you again."

There was something dangerous, unnerving even, to be in such a position. Powerless, helpless, and truly unable to do anything about it. Most of all, it was the fear that was so strongly felt, so high on the list of unwanted things, undesired, it was hard not to scream out in agony.

"Don't think I don't know what you're doing," continued the villain. "You're such a drama queen. Stop inner monologuing about your doom. We do this every year. You never hear Master Splinter complain."

The vile villain! How dare he bring his beloved master and father into this? That wasn't right, not at all. And drama queen? How dare he? It's not as if _he_ has to go through this horror, this…this…

Annual checkup.

His brother, the ever so evil, yet brilliant Hamato Donatello made the entire family go through this torture on a yearly basis, usually at the beginning of each year and then again towards the summer months. And it wasn't as if he, the most handsome Michelangelo didn't think this was important. If they had been normal turtles, they'd see a vet; normal humans went to a doctor for their ailments. Unfortunately, being teenage mutant ninja turtles required a bit more…alternative means. They couldn't go to a vet because their structure was most like that of a human, but they couldn't go to a human doctor, as their structure was also closely related to their former form of average pet red-eared sliders.

So they needed to go to an alternate source.

In stepped Donatello – well, he was pushed really, seeing as he was the only one patient and smart enough to handle anything medical. Oh, they all had training – Donnie made sure of that once a year, too – but they just preferred letting their brainy brother handle it. Just like going to Leonardo when they needed someone in charge and going to Raphael when they needed someone beaten up. Mikey, of course, was the comic relief. A role he excelled in, thank you very much.

So, on a yearly basis like they would with a family practitioner, they went in – either voluntarily or by force – to see good ole Doctor Don, as Mikey called him. And usually every year was the same – Master Splinter went in like a good boy, Raphael had to be tackled, Mikey whined and complained, and Leo was the last as he always managed to duck his younger brother. And Donnie always changed the rotation (except for Leo) – it was always best to get Raph when he was in a good mood or when he was semi-awake. Don once even tried it while he was asleep, a lesson he obviously forgotten about their more temperamental brother and one he'd forgotten about living in a house full of ninjas.

The brainy turtle forgave his brother for the black eye, he knew better than to sneak up on Raph in his sleep, and Raph was a bit more…reserved for his annual. Mikey, on the other hand, usually went willingly, but like any baby, cried and moaned about it as soon as he walked in the lab. Then proceeded to cry and moan about being there, before he tuned Donnie out and began a tale of the hero (Mikey) being captured and tortured by the villain (Donnie). Lucky for him that Donnie had always thought his 'creative imaginings' were funny and inventive, so he never got mad when he knew Mikey was doing another one of his 'Mikey Adventure Serials'.

This year, Donnie switched the line up again, quickly getting his most irksome patients out of the way first. Unfortunately, he would still need to hit his older brother Leo last, but as long as Mikey and Raph got through with as little of trouble as possible, it wasn't all bad. And this year was a bit of triumph for the scientist/doctor. This year he had come up with a unique way of analyzing their physiology and anatomy in order to get a better understanding of their health needs. That was always the problem he faced as the pseudo doctor – with a hybrid mix as they were, some things that should have applied to them didn't.

They couldn't exactly take the same type of medicines that normal humans could, but yet they couldn't take any type of animal medication either. Donnie had spent many a day and night since childhood going over the limitations and expectations of their unique species. It had been a lot harder when they were little, as technology was still in its smaller context and he couldn't expect Master Splinter to know on sight the things they may need in the future. It was a little better once they were older and they could go out by themselves. Coming across first aid kits wasn't terribly hard; it was the much larger things like medications and medical equipment that needed attention to detail. And certainly, Donnie always felt horrible about needing to steal things from medical supply buildings. He always had the notion that what he was about to take would be needed at that exact moment and while he treated his brothers or father, a patient would die because he had taken their much needed respirator.

Thankfully, they were able to meet April O'Neill and Casey Jones, two humans that had helped the family so many times, there would probably be no way to ever pay them back. But, as April once said, 'that's what families do' and after all the years of knowing the two, that's what they were. Two extra members of their family. In fact, it had been April who had given Donnie the help he needed in configuring his newest invention.

"Alright, Mikey," the scientist replied, patting his younger brother on the shoulder. "How you'd like to see my latest invention?"

"Is it a video game?" the younger turtle asked, excitedly. "Oh! Oh! Is it a TV that can feed you _while_ you're playing video games? Oh! I know!"

"Not a video game, you goof," Donnie chuckled. "It's a 3-D X-Ray machine. Come here."

Standing, Donnie walked over to one of the lab's counters where his laptop sat. He picked up what looked like a check out scanner and began scanning his brother. "Donnie," the turtle murmured, nervously. "I hope I'm on sale."

The brainy turtle chuckled again. "Sorry," he replied. "I wanted to show you how this works. You remember a few months ago when April and I were looking for medical equipment?" Mikey nodded, slowly. "Well, we got to talking and I mentioned it would be great to get another X-Ray machine, as the one we have is kinda outdated. At the same time, of course, finding an X-Ray machine is like finding a needle in haystack. We couldn't exactly go and steal one from a hospital, so we had to think of the next best thing.

"I had this idea when I was watching this show on Animal Planet. Obviously, you can use an X-Ray machine on large animals, but it's a little tougher on smaller animals. The idea was to make a smaller, more portable X-Ray machine or device that would let them check bone fractures or heals in small pets, like mice or gerbils. That got me thinking if I could somehow get something that, it would make everything a bit better, especially if we get something a little more serious than a concussion."

"Donnie, this is all fascinating and all…"

"I'm coming to my point," Donnie sighed. No one understood the process of science anymore. "Anyway, with some brain storming and the internet, I came up with this." He held up the scanner and pointed to the laptop. "I'd recently been playing around with some CAD programs I downloaded and started making small scale models of us, just to see if I could."

"Oh," Mikey said. "So it's like the Sims only for medical stuff."

Don thought it over before nodding his head. "Kinda."

"Cool."

"In playing around with the CAD models," Donnie continued. "I thought it would be neat to use them to check out our body structures and the like. And well, low and behold, I came up with this."

"A medical check out counter?"

"No," the brainy turtle sighed. "It's like this. This scanner works like an X-Ray machine. You know how an X-Ray machine works, right?"

"No, but I'm sure you'll tell me."

"Well…"

"In normal English words, bro."

"Think of it as a fluorescent lamp met up with a camera and an X-Ray is their baby."

"Disturbing," Mikey said. "But makes sense. Continue."

"This scanner is an X-Ray machine," Donnie replied. "I had to toy with it to get it right and beta testing took a little longer than I wanted and unfortunately, I couldn't really test it on us immediately, which meant…"

"Donnie," the younger turtle interrupted. "You're monologuing."

"Right. Sorry," he apologized. "Anyway, long story short, I rigged this scanner to act as an X-Ray machine, then coded a program in which this and the CAD program could link and thereby making a three dimensional model of any patient." Mikey still looked a bit lost. Donnie couldn't help but smile; Mikey always was a visual learner. "Watch this."

Clicking on the icon for his program, Donnie's fingers moved over the keys to input what his scanner had just taken. After only a few minutes, a three dimensional picture of Michelangelo appeared, complete with side notes. "Whoa!" the younger turtle whispered.

"Cool, huh?" Donnie chuckled. "This is you, of course. These notes right here are everything I've taken about you over the years. Medical notes," he added, seeing the look on his brother's face. "Eventually, I'd like to include the entire medical files on all of us, with this being the primary access point. I'll still keep the old files just as a backup, but I think this will be a bit easier. Luckily I still had my PDA from the old lair. I only lost a few months of work, though all the paperwork was gone. Now watch."

Clicking on the 3-D Mikey's arm, a smaller screen popped up to show a small scar. "Wicked!" Mikey exclaimed, looking at his left arm where the scar resided. It was fainter on his real arm than that of the model, but it was still cool to see.

"It gets better," Donnie said, clicking the scar. The screen then changed to show the muscles under the skin, before changing to the bone underneath. "I designed it to show every and any injury we've ever had. So by clicking on any scar, in your case the one you got when you broke your arm skateboarding, it brings up the X-Ray image."

"Dude, Donnie, you are the turtle!" The younger turtle slapped his brother on his shell. "What else can you see?"

"You can see anything!" Donnie boasted. "By clicking on any body part will bring up any visible and invisible disturbance. For instance," closing the window of Mikey's arm, Donnie clicked the head and using the arrows on either side, turned the 3-D head to the right. "We can check how times you were dropped on your head as a kid."

"Oh, har-de-har."

Looking at the back of the 3-D model, Donnie's smile began to slip from his face. "That's weird," he murmured.

"What?" Mikey asked, huffily. "Can't find any evidence that I was dropped on my head?"

"No," Donnie whispered. "This scar." He pointed to the turtle on screen, before magnifying the tiny scar that was on the back of Mikey's neck. "This looks like a neurosurgery scar." Quickly, he clicked on the scar to get the bone view and was surprised to see clear scarring on his brother's vertebrate and spinal column. "Yeah, right here," Donnie continued. "I did this. This is something I would do."

"Spookular," Mikey said, scratching his head. "I don't remember having surgery like that."

"That makes two of us," the brainy turtle murmured. "Cause I don't remember performing it."


	2. Chapter I

**Total Recall**

_Chapter I_

* * *

He had been so close. So close. It was nearing the end of the day and Leonardo had thought he had made it. He spent his time either with his father or within the dojo. He had even managed to get into the kitchen without being spotted. Once he was sure he had gotten away, he began his mediation routine in order to relax.

They were taking the night off of patrols tonight, though he knew that wouldn't stop his immediate younger brother from going out. It was still hard to just let Raphael go off by himself, but that was the older brother in him, the one that worried. After their years together and everything they had experienced and gone through, Leo thought he had grown up some. He didn't mean to be controlling, but sometimes he came off that way to his siblings.

Nearly dying at least twice had made an impact on his life. One of those he had even made the decision himself, that dying was better than alternative. Luckily, they had been saved, but that feeling of failure had stayed with him for many months, until he had attacked his father in anger. That had gotten him sent away the first time. The second time had been on a brighter note, but it had been his stubbornness and his grasp of the freedom he had in Central America that had kept him from returning.

And when he did return, everything was so different, it was like everything had fallen apart when he left. He had been so surprised when Raph had turned into a vigilante crime stopper, that Donnie wasted his brilliance on a degrading job, and that Mikey was letting small children beat him up on a daily basis. It had been so hard, harder than usual, to get everyone back in line. Raph he expected problems, but not what he got. Even Donnie, who never rebelled the way his immediate younger brother did, seemed distant to him.

It took nearly a year to put things back together, to see the bigger picture his father had wanted him to see. Leo had thought the trip was to make him a better leader, to learn more about being in charge and giving orders. It was only in the aftermath of everything Leo realized that he already _was_ a good leader; he just needed to be a better brother. In the jungles of Central America, he understood how Raph felt about protecting those that couldn't, how this freedom was so open, so…alive. It was nice just to sit and listen to the sounds of the jungle, to look up at the night sky, to just…be Leo.

Now, when his little brother went out, Leo let him go, as long as there was a phone call. Especially if he and Casey got into a jam they couldn't get out of. He half expected Raph to refuse, but he was surprised when his brother nodded and agreed. Donnie had almost a hidden joy at dumping his tech job, but no one could deny that it brought in money that they needed. So they changed it – thanks to April, they managed to find a small volunteer tech repair place that rebuilt computers for those less fortunate to buy one. His salary only dropped a few hundred dollars, but it was still enough and Donnie seemed to enjoy this a lot better. It was paid volunteering, especially when he used his knowledge for helping the company itself.

Mikey had no qualms about giving up his job, even though he enjoyed the money that came with it. He missed his old life of taking out bad guys and video games. With Donnie's help (or demands depending on who you asked), Mikey had kept some money in reserve that he could now officially spend if he wanted. Surprisingly, Mikey only took a few hundred for his extravagant needs like the latest game or comic book.

Even the problems that stemmed between Raph and Donnie evaporated one night. He had no idea what happened, though it clearly looked like the two had beaten the tar out of each other, but it apparently worked as whatever animosity there was before was now gone.

Theirs was a calm and peaceful life now, with the occasional bad guy to rustle. It was nice to just sit and relax…

"Not the most optimal place to hide from me, big brother."

Damn.

Shutting his eyes tighter, Leo could only hope this intruder would go away. He was calm, he was peaceful, he was…being disturbed. "Go away."

"Every year, Leo," replied the voice. "You try to duck and cover with me, but silly bro. Don't you know I can always find you. Little brother's watching you."

Leo couldn't help but to open his eyes and roll them at the cheeky answer his brother had given. And he was right, every year the leader tried to escape his annual exam. The only good part to it was the fact that Donnie usually told him how the others were doing. When they first started this, Leo had always asked how everyone was doing, to which Donnie replied that 'doctor-patient confidentiality restricted him to say'. After a few thorough trouncings during practice made the brainy turtle realize his brother wouldn't give up. So they made a deal – he'd let Leo escape him until last call if he'd let the elder turtle know how everyone in the family was.

"If you tell me to turn my head and cough like last year…" the eldest grumbled.

Donnie had the grace to blush. In his research he knew that human males needed to have cancer checkups on a yearly basis, especially as they get older. It was hard to really determine whether or not they, as turtles, would be in this category, but he thought it would be a good experiment. So for last year's checkup, he instituted 'prostrate' examinations, which as one could imagine, did not go over well. Donnie had checked and confirmed that reptiles in fact did not have a prostate, but that didn't truly matter as it seemed they had a closer physiology to that of humans anyway. What would be the harm in checking?

The scientist learned quickly, thanks to Raphael, that yes, there was harm in checking. _"Donnie, I love you, but I don't love you that much." _That was Raph's answer to that, even when Donnie tried bribing him and describing the benefits of this. His brother was adamant that he was to not touch him in areas that were deemed 'off limits' to other males.

"_Would you rather have April do this?"_

"_Yes, as a matter of fact I would!"_

_Donnie smirked. "Like Casey would go for that."_

"_I'll just tell him it's in the name of science."_

Needless to say, Casey Jones did not go for it and Donnie was left with only his eldest brother as the experiment. It went well enough, though neither could look the other in the eye for a week, and Leo was just as adamant as Raph was about it. _"Do we even have prostates?"_

"_Well, reptiles don't, but seeing as we're kinda in between, it couldn't hurt to check. So you up for it?"_

"_I would just like to say that I am extremely uncomfortable with you touching me inappropriately."_

"_I'm not molesting you!"_

"_I don't know, Donnie, this kinda does sound like molesting to me."_

"_It's a medical examination. If you think this is bad, just wait till I have to check your colon. Believe me, so not looking forward to that."_

"I _told_ you," Donnie sighed. Leo would never let him live that down. "I had to check. It be one thing if we were normal turtles, but cause we're_ not_, sometimes we have to go the human route, which again, we aren't, so some things are trial and error." He began giving Leo his normal going over. "'Sides, your experience wasn't nearly as embarrassing as Master Splinter's."

"Stop," Leo interrupted. "Stop, stop right there. I don't want to hear the rest of that. Just give me the lowdown, in short non-informative sentences."

"Spoilsport." Donnie grinned. "So far, everyone's good. Raph had small bruises, but those were easily taken care of. Master Splinter is in perfect health, well for a giant, mutant rat. He did complain of some soreness in his joints. I'm thinking he may have a bit of arthritis in his leg, you know from his injury with Draco."

Leo nodded. "He's been having me take over practice a lot lately," he murmured, blinking quickly as his brother examined his eyes.

"Nothing to worry about," the brainy turtle replied. "It's common for arthritis to set in on joints that have been damaged. I'm fairly sure he's in the beginning stages of osteoarthritis. Luckily, his diet has always been good, he maintains his weight, takes rest and exercise that he's probably managed to stave it off for the last couple of years. It's only now setting in. I'll keep watch over it and certainly if he complains about pain, I'll take a closer look."

"And you, doc?"

"I'm fine."

"Last year, I clearly remember you saying that you had carpal tunnel."

"I said I was probably at _risk_ for it," Donatello corrected. "My daily and nightly habits and uh… 'tunnel vision' as Raph calls it, are prime factors. No worries. April had me install a program on my desktop and laptop that tell me to take a break or else my computer shuts off. And damn if I haven't figured how April got it to do that."

Leo chuckled. Having April in their family had definite perks and benefits. "How's Mikey?"

"Fine," Don said, stepping back. "Though we hit a bit of a mystery. Any soreness, blurry vision, pain in any body part?"

"No," Leo replied. "What sort of mystery?"

"Hmm? Oh, well it seems I may have performed an operation on him about a year ago," Donnie began. "Well, it looks be year old scarring, definitely not more than two years, but the thing is, neither one of us remembers doing it."

"That's weird."

"Tell me about it," agreed Donnie. "And I can't find anything about it in my notes, paper or computerized. How's your hearing?"

"Never better," Leo replied, pulling away from his brother. "Listen, why don't you get Master Splinter to give you a check up? I know things have been pretty slow lately, but maybe during our fight with Winters, you hit your head or something. Or hell, maybe you hit it when you hit the keyboard in sleep."

Donnie huffed at the comment. He hadn't fallen asleep at his computer in at least a few weeks. "You're fine for now," he said. "With exception to your humor. Make sure you stop by the lab; I haven't gotten you in my new invention yet."

"Later tonight, promise."

The scientist knew that was a Leo brush off, so he gave his brother a frown before heading to his lab. Looking around, he noticed that Master Splinter seemed to be having a talk with Raph, so that meant his own check up would need to wait a while. The problem was, as much as he made it seem like something small, the very thought that he had performed a rather complicated surgery on his younger brother and not remember it weighed heavily on him.

It wasn't like him to forget something of this magnitude. He prided himself on his brains and the knowledge it carried. That was the sole reason he had been so upset when he had that Tricerian mind probe. It felt as though he was literally losing his mind and that scared him more than anything in the world. He knew his place on the team and within their family, hadn't his trip to a world without him proven that?

Leo needed to be in control, needed to worry, needed to see every detail for everything; Raph needed his strength, needed to be able to protect no matter what; Mikey needed laughter and happiness. He had seen what a hopeless Michelangelo could be and he hadn't liked it one bit. Donnie needed his brain, needed to think and analyze everything around him. As much as he took the more realistic, scientific view to everything, he knew there were some things that science couldn't explain, things he had seen that defied logic, but only in the brainy turtle's growth had he learned to let go of the panic when he couldn't explain something.

But he couldn't help but feel panic now. It wasn't full blown, just a minor niggling in the back of his mind that said something was wrong when he couldn't remember performing surgery. His curiosity, luckily, pushed him forward with the taste of a good mystery. Pulling out his shell cell, he hit the speed dial button for April. He could tell he had obviously called a rather bad time, as April looked hurried and frazzled. "Can't talk now, Don."

"Sorry for calling at a bad time," Don winced. "I was hoping you could help with something."

"Busy," she rushed. "It's gotta wait. Casey and I have our hands full."

"Gee," the turtle sighed. "Looks like I'm two for two. I gotta wait a few hours before Master Splinter's free and you were the next person I thought of. I'm sorry for bothering you."

He wasn't sure if it was the sad, pathetic tone of his voice or the small puppy dog look he tried using, but something obviously made April's face go from stern to caring. "Give me an hour," she said.

"Awesome!" he replied. "You're the best, April."

"I know."

* * *

An hour later, April O'Neill found herself in the home of her adopted littler brothers. It had been such a crazy day at the store, with everyone and their mothers coming in every few minutes. Business was good though, even if only half of those that came in actually bought something. Plus, she was still doing side work for those that were looking for priceless antiques. The Winters job had been a God send, with her and Casey moving in together right before she had taken the job. Now, as a young married couple with aspirations of having a baby, they needed as much money as they could.

Upon entering the new lair, the red-head was actually shocked at how quiet it was. Normally she came over when all four boys were there, but sometimes she did manage to miss them. But she was usually greeted by Master Splinter and that didn't happen either. "Guys?" she called. She was instantly on alert when she heard something from the kitchen. The memory of Karai's attack on the guys years ago had never left her and she was prepared to defend her family on her life.

"Hey April," greeted Donnie.

"Donnie, thank goodness!"

"What're you doing here?"

April looked at the turtle in surprise. "Donnie," she said, confused. "You invited me over."

"No, I didn't."

"Yes, you did!" she insisted. "You called and said you needed help on something. I told you I'd be over in an hour."

"I…seriously don't remember that," Donnie replied, sheepishly. Taking out his cell, he went through his call history and sure enough, there was a call to April exactly one hour ago that day. "You're right," he whispered. "I don't remember calling you."

"Donnie, are you alright?"

"I'm not sure," the turtle replied. "I woke up from a nap, which is odd because I don't normally nap during the day. C'mon, maybe there's something in my room that can explain this."

They hurried to the purple masked turtle's room, which was situated across from the lab he had established. When they had found this place, after being forced out of their second lair, Donnie had taken the initiative to have the larger area. With the money he had made from his IT support job, he had managed to build a nice little computer nook. He had made the closet into a server room where he had access to all the security he had once again placed in and around their home.

His own desktop computer was as tricked out as he could make it. High end parts graced this technology marvel – it was the first thing he had put his money to – but that was his gaming and work computer. He still counted the first computer he ever built as his main computer. He had upgraded it at least twice, though it was inferior to his mega desktop (what Mikey called 'Megatron'), but it was sentimental value that made him stick with it. He had a state of the art all in one printer, the kind that businesses would probably use; next to that were three separate external hard drives that all had at least one terabyte of storage.

The first drive was for backups, even though one of the five servers he had built was done specifically for backing up all data he had in his room. It was a backup of a back up.

The second one was for all the music and movies they had in their previous lair. Mikey had been so upset that every CD, MP3, video game, and DVD had been destroyed thanks to Karai. His stuff had survived their first move, but didn't make it in their second, all because Karai wanted _everything_ gone. The good thing about having jobs and thus having money, was that Mikey had begun restocking his supply. The first thing he had done was replenish his comic book collection and once Donnie had gotten his giant printer, the younger turtle scanned in every page.

He then restocked his CDs and DVDs. Luckily with the advent of the internet, the stuff he couldn't find or buy, Donnie downloaded for him. He then made Donnie secure the whole thing on the second drive. Then, once he reestablished his video games, he made Donnie copy those too. The brainy turtle of course obliged; after all, it was Mikey's taste in music that appealed to everyone and how they mostly ended up with tunes in the first place. The same was true for the video games and DVDs. Those were Mikey's children, next to his nunchucks.

The third drive held…special entertainment. It had started as 'research' into the human body and the mechanics and all things that said 'research' when one describe it. Of course, as a teenage mutant ninja turtle and a male one at that, research turned into…specialized learning. He could've easily gotten away with it if not for Raph discovering the 'secret stash' and then asking Donnie for copies. Even that he could handle, but no. The loud mouth had to tell Mikey and Raph said it was only fair that they teach their younger brother about the 'beauties of the world and the internet'.

He was just thankful neither Leo nor Master Splinter knew anything about it. Raph was temperamental, but discrete and Mikey's room always looked as though a hurricane had blown through it, no one would be able to find anything. Just to be on the safe side, of course, he passworded every and anything that could be looked at or touched by Mikey.

That was why coming to stop at his main computer, he was surprised to see it was unlocked and ready to go. "I must be extremely exhausted," he whispered. "I never leave my computer unlocked." On screen was his medical journal that he had been typing up and placing into his 3-D X-Ray machine. What was strange was that it only listed Master Splinter and Raphael, as though he hadn't gotten around to Mikey or Leo. But then, what was he doing?

Typing in a few commands, his eyes widened slightly in shock. "Someone's been messing with my journal," he said, pointing to the info he had pulled up. "See? There's been a deletion in one of the sections."

"Did you delete them?" April asked.

"No," he said. "At least I don't think so." Confused, but now determined, Donnie stood and addressed the shop owner. "Let me get my laptop and we'll head over to your apartment. Something weird's going on."

The trip to April's apartment was about twenty minutes; they made it in about ten. April had never seen Donnie so shaken up and panicked before. Even she was flipping out. Once inside, it was clear that her husband was out with Raph, which made what they were going to do a little easier without Casey asking what they were doing. They got to work, Donnie handing his laptop over to April, while he remoted himself into his desktop from her computer. This way they could look at two things at the same time. And if there was anyone Donnie trusted with his online stuff, it was his sister.

"I hope you have backups, Don," she said, staring at the screen. "You've got a lot of files missing here."

"And on my desktop too," he added. "My online journal logged several deletions, going back almost two years. Even some of my pictures are gone." The turtle sat back, hand rubbing the back of his neck. "Who would want to delete my stuff? I mean, if it was sporadic, I'd think Mikey first off or hell, even the others, but these look deliberate and no one else has the know how to do something like this."

"Do you have server backups?"

"You know I do."

"Where do you keep the media ones?" she asked. "Maybe they've only been deleted from your computer and not the server."

"Good thinking," he said. "Though I'm not sure how accurate the media one is. Ever since my digital camera went AWOL, I haven't backed it up."

April navigated to the server address; Donnie had given her access to one of his servers as well for the store's inventory. She paused though when she heard him say that. "Your camera went missing?" she asked.

"Yeah," he sighed. "I haven't seen in it for like seven, eight months. I accused Mike of having it, but then had to apologize. For a while, I thought maybe it was destroyed when Karai came after us, but I clearly remember getting it after that. I have no idea where it could be."

She couldn't put her finger on why, but the fact that Donnie's camera was missing seemed odd and suspicious at the same time. Finding her way to the picture files on his media server, April was glad to see it had been updated within the year. Due to the obvious, the guy couldn't go parading pictures of themselves to everyone, but with two homes destroyed, everyone thought it best to keep those happy times on file. Master Splinter especially liked the idea, seeing as he had lost every picture of the turtles as children in Karai's attack. Most saddening was the loss of the only picture he had of his Master Yoshi.

When Father's Day came around, a few months after they had defeated the Tengu Shredder, April and the guys had gotten together to discuss gift ideas. Somehow they were talking about how sad it had been for them to lose everything this time thanks to the Utrom Shredder's daughter. It had been Mikey who thought is sad they couldn't recreate their moments.

Both she and Donnie had perked up at the idea. When the day had arrived, all six of them had presented Master Splinter with digital copies of pictures. They could never replace the ones where they were little, but as a joke they did have one with them dressed in baby clothes and waving (well, Raph scowled, so it looked like he was having a tantrum). Most of the pictures were when they had been at the farmhouse and a couple from movie nights and other events that April had taken herself.

They had even gotten the Ancient One to let them digitize a picture he had of Yoshi and Tang Shen, something that even Splinter didn't have. He had tears in his eyes and said it was the best Father's Day gift a father could want from his children.

April was joyful to find those still there, as well as a few pictures that were taken after that. She was nearly caught up in her memory lane trip when she came across four photos that were just labeled unknown. That was strange in itself as Donnie always labeled his pictures. "Hey Don," she called. "I think I found something." She waited until the turtle in question stood by her before she clicked on one of the pictures.

Both were surprised when the image of a raven haired girl appeared, smiling at them. Her hair was long and about her shoulders, her smile was wide and joyous, and her brown eyes were twinkling. There seemed to be a celebration behind her. "Who is that?" Donnie asked, quietly.

"I was about to ask you the same thing." Hitting the forward icon on the picture viewer, they were met again with the young woman, this time Donnie and Mikey were on either side of her, and all three were smiling. It seemed to be from the same time as the first picture. "You obviously know her," April mentioned, going to the next photo. This one also had the mysterious woman, Donnie, and Mikey, but this one seemed to have been taken in or near Central Park. Both turtle brothers were in disguises and the young woman was hugging Mikey.

"And again," Donnie murmured. "I've never seen her before."

Clicking the forward button, both were stunned to see another picture, but it didn't have the previous occupants. This shot looked like it was taken as the camera lay on the ground. The man or being in the picture seemed tall and some type of weapon lay in his hands. He looked humanoid, but had small horns on his forehead and his skin seemed to be a light pink. He was dressed in what looked like military garb and combat boots.

Both turtle and human looked at each other before looking back at the strange picture. "April," Donnie whispered. "What the hell is going on?"

* * *


	3. Chapter II

* * *

**Total Recall**

_Chapter II_

_

* * *

_

April knew it was a long shot, but taking a risk to call in a specialist was out of the question. They had to make do with what they had. Luckily, both being students of Master Splinter, the easiest way was to meditate and find out what the problem was and where it lie.

Donnie was more than willing to try meditation to discover what was going on. So far, there was a surgery he had performed and a young woman he didn't remember. None of it made sense! And then to add to the mystery, he was missing pieces from not only his medical journal, but that of his personal one too. They were lucky to retrieve the data missing from the medical journal, but the personal stopped nearly the same time the files began disappearing, a year and a half ago.

The two sat on the living room carpet, silently. Everything around them was quiet with exception to their breathing. Internally, Donnie told himself to focus on the events he couldn't recall, saying it over and over again to make his mind obey him as it had in the past. Time seemed to slow as he felt his first glimpse, a party of some sort. His brothers and father were there, as well as the pretty brunette from the pictures.

_"I can't believe you did this," she laughed, obviously talking to someone, talking to him._

The scene shifted to a dark night - an alley maybe? – and he was kneeling over her; he had blood on his hands…

The next memory was again at the party and he was still talking to the young woman.

_"I can't thank you enough for saving me," she whispered._

_"It's what we do," he responded. "Besides, don't think I don't know you're just coming over to see my brother."_

_The two laughed and he watched as the woman looked over towards his brother, who was apparently telling quite a funny and embarrassing story._

_"I think he likes you too, Lindsey."_

The scene changed again, but now they were in the lab. The young woman laid on one of the beds and Raph stood over her…

_"She's not gonna make it, Donnie!" his brother shouted. "She's going into shock or something! Her brain signs are all over the place!"_

_"That doesn't make any sense!" he exclaimed._

The memory again shifted, this time to show the strange alien that was seen in the picture. Something rumbled, moved, causing him to drop his camera to the ground…

Then he was talking to her in the park, then he was looking at his hands, covered in blood, her blood…

Donnie awoke with such a start, he thought he was hyperventilating. He felt April next to him, asking if he was alright, that he needed to breathe normally and calmly. Once he felt himself under control, he took a deep breath before whispering, "Call my brothers and Master Splinter."

It had only taken a few minutes for him to calm himself and tell April what he saw. In the time he had awoken to the time the others arrived, he knew what happened, or rather he had a vague idea, but even that idea had merit. Now he needed to make sure they could be protected against it. He waited, still trying to get a hold of himself until everyone could be seated. They had made a DVD disc with the mysterious pictures on it, in the order they wanted them presented.

"I've never seen anyone like that," Leo began, looking at the picture of the mysterious alien man.

"Are you sure you can trust these images?" asked Master Splinter. "That they have not been tampered with?"

"We checked," April began. "We even did a few searches just to make sure these weren't joke pictures or Photoshop."

"I have a theory," Donnie began. "I think we were attacked by either this guy or his friends – at least Mikey and I were. I believe somehow they found the rest of you and for some reason, our memories have been erased."

Donnie missed the look exchanged by Leo and Raph, but April didn't. "What purpose would that serve, exactly?" Casey asked.

"I'm not sure yet," the brainy turtle replied, rubbing his head. "Look I know it seems farfetched, but I think we need to be careful. I think there's someone or something in the lair with us."

"How do you figure that?" asked Leo.

"Other than half of my work being deleted," Donnie growled. "There's this woman,-" he pointed to the picture with the brunette before going through the other two with him, her, and Mikey. "- the only thing I could remember was 'Lindsey' but she obviously knew us and knew Mikey and I especially well."

"I don't remember her," Mikey replied. "But she wouldn't be a girl I'd forget anytime soon! She's a hottie."

"That's just it," the purple clad turtle continued. "Who is she? Was she someone to lure us into meeting this guy? Was she in league with him? Added to that I called April earlier today and I have no memory of it, but yet my shell cell clearly says that I did indeed call her, just like it's recorded on hers that I did. I haven't figured out why we're being targeted though."

"This is serious," Leo muttered. "Donnie, make sure you check the cams around the lair, Mikey can do a quick search around the sewers. Raph and I will do a quick patrol around the area."

"I can catch up with you guys when I'm finished…" Don started, but was interrupted by Leo.

"No," he said. "In case there is someone around, I need you to watch the security. And be backup for Master Splinter. In fact, Mikey why you head out first? This way you can do a quick sweep before heading home. Then if anything pops up, the two of you can hold the fort until Raph and I get back."

"Right-e-o!" cried the younger turtle, taking his leave out April's window.

"Are you sure I shouldn't…"

"Your brother is right, Donatello," Splinter replied, standing and leaning on his walking stick. "It is obvious this person is after you specifically. It would be wise for you to stay within the lair."

"But…"

"It's for your own good, Donnie," Leo added, smiling.

"Don't worry, bro," smirked Raph. "We got cha back."

And like that, the matter was settled. It wasn't often that Donnie went or even wanted to go against the word of his father and eldest brother, but he just couldn't help it. The whole way home he couldn't stop thinking about it. Some mysterious alien race was after him, but why? And for what? Who was the mystery woman in the picture? She had thanked him for saving her. He couldn't remember doing so. And why couldn't Mikey remember? Why couldn't _any_ of them remember? And April didn't know her either. Had they not been introduced or had April's mind been erased too?

The whole thing made him think of his time with the Triceratons and he felt his breathing hitch. He managed to calm himself just enough to make it to his bedroom without anyone worrying, but once inside, he had to sit down and breathe. It had been years since the dinosaur creatures' invasion and several years since he had a panic attack. It had taken many hours of meditation and talks with Splinter before he could block his mind from going there again.

A knock on his door alerted him to his sensei's presence and a tray of tea that he carried. "I am sorry to bother you, my son," the aged rat replied. "I thought perhaps some tea might soothe you in these uncertain times."

Donnie smiled as his father set down the tray on the desk. "Thanks, Sensei," he said, nodding his appreciation. His father didn't say anything, only leaving the tea and a fatherly pat on the shoulder. Donnie took his first tentative sip and sighed. Raspberry. He always had loved the taste of fruity flavors, but not so overpowering the taste was lost. And father had prepared it just the way he liked it, with a bit of honey and lemon. Taking another sip, Donnie turned to his computer, checking the preliminary cameras around the lair, even going so far as to watch tapes from earlier in the day. So far, there was nothing. Perhaps these beings had cloaking abilities? He shook his head on that. After experiencing the Foot Tech ninjas, the brainy turtle was always prepared for the invisible foe.

Rubbing his eyes sleepily, he wondered if his nights up were finally catching up to him. Sighing, he downed the rest of his tea in a few gulps before leaning over to turn off his desktop. Just before his pointer could clear the shut down option, a thought occurred to him. Looking around his room carefully, he managed to find the small camera he had hidden within the wall above his bed.

He wasn't one to give in to paranoia – that was a job for his other brothers – but he did believe in practicality. Given the strange events that took place in their lives, Donnie had taken to the task of being unpredictable. There was a time, when they had returned from the other worlds the Ultimate Draco had sent them to, that Donnie had the paralyzing fear that he would just disappear one day. After all, it apparently had happened once and seeing that world and what it had done to his friends and family scared him to no end.

He had nightmares for weeks, though he had never gone into detail about where he had been when he told his story. Mikey and Raph's seemed fairly tame if not fun; how could he tell them that he had been sent to a world where he had disappeared and his family had fallen apart? It seemed rather boastful that he was apparently the glue that held them together; he wasn't! But it didn't stop him from being on the verge of clingy. It didn't matter, day or night, if Leo wanted to practice, he was right there to practice; if Mikey wanted an all night movie marathon, he was right there watching TV; if Raph wanted to hang in the garage fixing stuff, Donnie was right there.

Raph had known something was wrong when Donnie asked if he could go head bashing with them.

This little trip down paranoia lane had then gone into voyeurism, well not voyeurism per se, but Donnie hadn't taken any chances. He went ahead and installed small cameras in everyone's rooms, the garage and even the Battle Shell. He had already been caught by both Raph and Leo late at night when he came to check on them, to make sure they were in their beds. He even showed Raph how to check the camera he put under his high rise bed, just in case he vanished one day.

It was extreme, but Donnie would take those chances if it meant they never experienced the Shredder controlled world. But it was with those thoughts that Donnie had once again, in this new lair, placed cameras within. He hadn't gotten to everyone, just his and Master Splinter's room, but knowing there was a camera hidden, he knew he could help covertly. Turning off his desktop, he picked up his laptop and launched the program for the security system. Finding the input for his bedroom cam, Donnie set it to record at that very moment. Minimizing the program, he then set up an alarm to wake him in approximately eight hours. That would give a fairly good runtime if anything did show up. It may even get them a clue as to what these people were looking for.

Suppressing a yawn, the turtle genius locked his laptop before closing it and putting it into hibernation. He then removed his elbow and knees pads before removing his mask, then laying down on his bed. He hoped with the extra sleep, he could remember more, possibly get an idea of what was going on.

* * *

The peacefulness of his slumber was rudely upset by not one, but two alarms going off. Out of habit, Donnie reached over and shut off his alarm clock, knowing it was telling him time to make the coffee. His brain, slightly alert, grew aware of another alarm going off. This of course made the sleepy turtle sit up slightly.

It wasn't like him to set two alarms.

Shaking cobwebs from his brain, he followed the sound to his laptop. Opening it and entering in his password, he was shocked to see an alarm pop up. In closing the alarm, a note appeared. It was encoded, that much he could understand at six o'clock in the morning, the why and when were the only problems. Deciding this was something best reviewed with coffee, he set his laptop down and headed for the kitchen.

Fresh cup of Joe in his hand, Donnie went nearly unnoticed back to his room. He could hear the sounds of Leo warming up, the whimpers and sayings from Mikey, and the loud raucous snores from Raph. Regular, every day morning. Remembering the problem that greeted him like the sun, Donnie grabbed up his computer and placed it on his desk. His encryption was easy to crack, nothing he probably couldn't have done without the coffee, but everything was made better with caffeine in your system.

Scanning the note, the genius turtle's brows furrowed. He had written himself a reminder, explaining that his memories were being erased, there was a mysterious alien and a mysterious girl who played a part, but he wasn't sure how. Something happened a year and a half ago and now someone was making sure none of them could remember what. The note told him to check the recording he had made in case he didn't remember anything of yesterday.

And shockingly, he did not. He remembered giving the annual exams, but when he stopped on Mikey, he couldn't recall if he given him one or not. He remembered being at April's, but the reason why escaped him. He remembered getting tea from Master Splinter and that was the last he knew. Obviously, something was going on. Bringing up his security program, he was pleased the camera recorded everything from the time he set it up, until the alarm went off.

He hit 'play recording' and then began to fast forward the time a bit. He abruptly stopped when he could see light drifting into his room. Hitting play, he leaned back and watched. There first appeared one figure, then two, then three; all were silent as they entered. He hoped with so many intruders, they would stop and talk to each other. He was rewarded when one of them spoke, but his eyes grew wide at the voice.

He knew that voice.

_"This has to stop," replied one voice._

_"This is the only way," said a second. "Do you have a better idea?"_

_"Of course I don't," growled the first. "We just can't keep doing this, Leo."_

_"My sons, please."_

_"Sorry Sensei."_

He couldn't believe it. He just…couldn't…but it was there. It was right in front of him. Splinter standing next to him, fury hand on his head while he obviously went into a meditative trance; Leo and Raph standing off to the side, but next to their father, with the look of resolve on their faces.

_"We can't go through this again," Leo was saying. "We have to make him forget completely."_

_"You heard Master Splinter," Raph answered. "Destroying his memories like that in one go isn't good for him. He's gotta do it little by little. Believe me, Leo, I'm not happy about it either, but if it means we don't go through…what happened before, I'm all for it."_

_Leo sighed. "How's Mikey?"_

_"Out like a light," the second son replied. "You know it takes longer with Donnie, that's why Splinter has to do it. We don't have problems with Mikey."_

_"I'm so glad he takes to mediation better than Donnie does," Leo said. "Getting rid of Mikey's memories are easier than getting rid of Don's."_

He couldn't watch anymore. He thought he was going to be sick. What the hell? _What the fuck!?_ If anyone had told him his father and older brothers were performing…memory wipes…on him, he'd call them a liar, cause they would've been a liar. But now…he had seen, with his own eyes. And if that wasn't bad enough, it wasn't just him. They were doing this to Mikey, too! Mikey, the brother they all swore to protect…

Donnie took a breath, realizing he was shaking. He didn't know if that was shock or panic or anger, he didn't know, but he was…he was…he didn't even know. He looked at the clock and saw it was nearly time for practice, he had about fifteen minutes to get into the dojo before someone came looking for him. He almost sneered at that; let someone come looking for him and then he'd be able to wail on them about…about this! He hoped it was Leo or Raph, even better was Master Splinter. Then he could show them, show them what he saw, what he couldn't ever imagine they would do to him…

Pushing his anger down, he stood and made his way out of his room. He didn't see anyone in the main parts of the lair – the kitchen, the living room, even the same area Mikey claimed was the 'game room'. He knew they were in the dojo and that's where he headed. He opened the door slowly and saw them. They were standing in the normal line and having a discussion.

Leo was on his left, shaking his head in mirth; Raph stood next to him, trying to explain something in expressive detail; April stood to his right, chuckling at their antics; Mikey was on the end, inputting whenever he could. Master Splinter stood at the front, laughing silently at the conversation. "I don't know what channel you were watching," Raph said. "But the fight was no contest. Evander had the guy on the ropes and boom! He was flat on the mat."

"You must've been watching an older fight," Leo insisted. "Lewis was against the ropes and he sent an uppercut that knock Holyfield to the ground."

"Are you listening to yourself?"

"I saw that fight," April giggled. "Casey made me watch it. Raph's right, Leo."

"Oh, et tu, April?" the older turtle complained. Seeing his younger brother enter, he waved him over. "Donnie, thank God you're here," he said. "Bring order to this insane chaos or I'm about to have a mutiny on my hands!"

"Mutiny?" Donnie asked, his tone flat and devoid of any of the humor the group was looking for. "I seem to be having one of those myself. Or perhaps I should label this treason? Better yet, conspiracy sounds like a much better word."

"Donnie?" asked April, confused by the unprovoked anger that seemed to swirl around him.

"Tell her," the brainy turtle replied, angrily. He first pointed to April, then included Mikey in his circle. "Tell them, Leo, how you and our brother and _our father_ have been drugging me at night! Tell them how you've been erasing my memories when I'm knocked out!"

"What?"

"Donnie, listen, man…"

"Outside." Leo's command was the only one he listened to and he followed his brother out of the dojo. Donnie wanted nothing more than to round on his brother once he stopped, but Leo didn't stop until they were out the front door and a ways from the entrance. "Donnie…"

"You've been drugging me and erasing my memories!" Donnie exclaimed. "Don't deny it!"

"I'm not going to."

That actually took some of the anger from the younger turtle. He hadn't really expected his brother to admit what they had done, but he had and now there was only one question left.

"Why?"

"You were sick, Donnie," Leo said. "A year and a half ago, something happened, and you…had a breakdown. The only way to ensure it didn't happen again was to erase your knowledge of those events."

"What event?" Donnie asked. "What about that alien guy and the girl? Did those take place?"

Leo thought for a moment before replying. "Yes," he said, slowly. "Like I said Donnie, you got sick."

"How?"

"Those events caused you to have a conflict of interest."

"What kind of conflict?"

"It made you sick."

"Leo, what kind of conflict?"

"I can't tell you."

"Why!?"

"I tell you what happen and it could set the whole chain of events in motion again," the elder replied.

"That's not good enough!" Donnie screamed.

"It'll have to do," Leo said, firmly. He watched as he younger brother fought to gain control of his emotions. Donnie always kept his emotions in check, including his temper. He wasn't as temperamental like Raph or emotions on a neon billboard sign like Mikey; Donnie was more like his bigger brother. He kept himself calm and quiet. But when Donnie did get mad, it was explosive. It was probably the only time there seemed to be a genetic link between the four of them.

"I'm not a child!"

"Then stop acting like one." The two stared at one another for a long moment before Leo sighed. "I'm sorry, Donnie," he said. "It's for your own good."

"My own good!?" the brainy turtle asked incredulously. "Don't you think I should have a say in my own good? What if I was to perform surgery on you without your consent? Would that be for your own good?"

"If it saved my life, then I could live with it."

"I don't believe you," Donnie growled. "You'd feel as betrayed as I do."

"Be that as it may," Leo responded. "It doesn't matter. A year and a half ago, removing your memories of that time was crucial and needed to be done. Just like it needs to be done again."

"That's not fair!"

"Everything in life can't be fair, little brother," Leo whispered. "We'll cut practice a little short today, then we'll get this over with. Go to your room for now."

"This is ridiculous!" Donnie cried. "You may be our leader and you may be my older brother, but you sure as hell aren't my father! We'll just see what Master Splinter has to say!"

"It won't do any good, Donnie!" Leo exclaimed, feeling himself losing his cool. "Whose idea do you think this was in the first place!?"

* * *

Usually when he went to find solace in his room, he held a lot more excitement. Now, it was just depressing, especially knowing what would happen once he was made to lay down and go to sleep. A hard knock on the door caused him to sigh. It didn't matter if he said go away, his brother would take it as an invite anyways.

And a few seconds later, Raphael entered, looking as solemn as Donatello felt. "Memory row," the brainy turtle sighed. "Next in line speaking. Due to an unforeseen and unexplained incident, we cannot take your call at the moment. Please leave a message and if we remember, we'll get back to you. BEEP."

"Stop being so dramatic," Raph growled. "You're starting to sound like Mikey."

"Am I?" Donnie asked, deliberately being a pain. "I wouldn't remember."

"Donnie…"

"What happened eighteen months ago?"

"Don…"

"Why won't anyone tell me!?"

"Leo has his reasons," Raph sighed. "And so does Master Splinter."

"And you agree with them!?" Donnie asked. "You never agree with anybody! Don't you have a mind of your own?"

"I was there, dipshit!" the temperamental turtle exclaimed. "I watched you fall apart! So yeah, I agree with them."

It was like every emotion he could feel was drained out of him, causing him to sit in his chair rather harshly. He had the unmistakable urge to cry, to bawl like he did when he was little and scraped his knee. Master Splinter always made it better and when he couldn't, Leo would. When nightmares plagued his sleep, he turned to Raph, cause his big brother was tough and no monster would think of getting him or Mikey as long as Raph was there. It was so strange that he desperately needed the comfort of the three people whose trust had been tarnished.

"Raphie…" he sniffed. Great, now he really was going to cry. He felt his brother's hand on the back of his head, patting it gently.

"It's to help you get better, little bro," he whispered. "So you don't get sick again."


	4. Chapter III

**Total Recall**

_Chapter III_

* * *

Leo sighed as he saw who stayed with him in the dojo. "April, I'm not in the mood."

"Too bad," she said, giving him a look of pure steel. "Cause I am."

"Don't you have a store to run?"

"Funny thing about being the owner," she smirked. "I make my own hours." They stood in silence before the shop owner asked what they had been waiting for. "What happened, Leo? Why are you doing this?"

"There was no other choice," he whispered. "We tried it one way, then another, and finally, this was the only way."

"Leo, what happened all those months ago?"

"You don't understand…"

"I can't understand if you don't tell me what happened."

"You weren't there!"

"That's because no one told me a damn thing about it!"

Their voices were raised now and it was clear there was frustration and sadness in both. "Do you think I enjoyed this!?" the elder turtle asked, his breathing heavier than before. "Do you actually think I enjoy drugging my own brother? That I enjoy watching _our father_ drug him? Do you have any idea how hard this has been?"

"No," she whispered. "Because you haven't bothered to let me know. I thought we were family, Leo. Families stick together when stuff like this happens."

"Oh God, April," the turtle moaned, his distress so much clearer now. "I didn't do this to hurt you. I did this to _help_ you."

In all the years April had known the turtles, she had never seen any of them cry. If she had to pick a candidate for it, it would've been Mikey. But looking at Leo now, it broke her heart to see him sniffing like that and doing everything he could from having a complete meltdown. "Leo…" she cooed, drawing the turtle into a sisterly hug. "What happened?"

The turtle sniffed again, trying to calm himself. "They…" he struggled. "They saved this girl, Donnie and Mikey did, and she didn't freak out when Donnie gave her some first aid. It was just random, okay? And then…then they ran into her again, or I think Donnie did or something. And a third time, we all saw her. Mikey had this big crush on her. A few…few months later, it was her birthday and she hadn't met Splinter yet, so we gave her a party at her place."

"Why didn't you introduce her to me?" April asked, a little hurt that they hadn't thought to invite her to this party. "Why not Casey?"

Leo shook his head. "You were gone," he said. "You and Casey got married and were on your honeymoon and then you guys got that big deal in Maine. We figured you could meet her when you came back, but…"

"But what?"

Leo shook his head again, this time it seemed he was trying to forget something. "He lost it, April," he sputtered. "They went out for a movie and then Donnie calls and he's hysterical and panicked and Donnie doesn't panic! And we got there in the…in the Battle Shell and…Mikey was all bloody, and Lindsey was all bloody, and Donnie was bloody and then he…he calmed down and we got them…them to the lab.

"We…we got supplies and Raphie was helping Donnie and they were yelling and then Mikey was okay, but Lindsey was dead. And we had to take her to the hospital so they could help her, but Donnie said she wasn't real…wasn't a human and we couldn't take her, so we had to bury her and…everything was okay. Mikey…Mikey couldn't remember what happened and he couldn't remember Lindsey, but Donnie did and he was okay for like a week and then…he was so sad all the time!

"And he just kept thinking about it and thinking about it and you know Donnie, all he does is think! And he just, he just lost it one day and we actually had to sedate him! And then…then he was fine again. He was okay for like two months. And then one day, he lost it again and that triggered Mikey and Donnie was losing it and Mikey was confused and we didn't know what to do! Casey had to choke hold him and then Casey got freaked out cause he hadn't expected that."

"Casey knew!?"

"I told him," Leo whispered. "I told him not to tell you, that Donnie was just stressed and there wasn't anything to worry about. I had him promise me on his father's _grave_ he wouldn't say anything to you about it."

"But why?" she asked, sniffing a bit herself. "Donnie's my brother too!"

"It killed us!" Leo exclaimed. "It killed us watching it and it would've killed you too. Mikey almost died and this girl we barely knew did and Donnie was going crazy and Raph and I were losing it and it was destroying Sensei…and he…and he called us in, me and Raph, and said we had to do something, but what he had in mind was drastic and he wouldn't do it unless we said okay. It was our jobs as the oldest to look out for our younger siblings and he said he wouldn't unless we said yes. And we said yes.

"And things were okay again, but then he was looking at pictures and he remembered Lindsey, but Mikey didn't remember Lindsey and then they started asking what happened." Here, Leo took a breath. "Master Splinter didn't want to rid him completely of her, so he kept those memories, but pushed back the ones of the night she died. But it only made things worse cause Donnie could remember and then he started getting depressed again and we couldn't…not again, not a third time, so he erased them.

"And while he did that, me and Raph erased anything he had about it. Files, pictures, notes, anything that started with the day they rescued her to the last time we had to do this. We had to be careful cause Don's sneaky and savvy and he passwords everything. I was so close to calling, to asking you to help us hide the evidence, but Raph told me no, reminded me that we decided not to tell you or Casey. We didn't want you to go through this too. And everything worked and we were okay."

"Until Donnie found that scar."

Leo nodded. "And set the whole thing in motion again."

* * *

They were told to meet in the dojo, that it was a family meeting of sorts. Mikey had no clue as to what was going on, but it gave him a sense of worry and dread. He had never seen Donnie so mad before and he knew when his brothers were mad; he made it his daily mission. He also didn't think he had ever heard April and Leo argue before. Playfully, maybe; a disagreement, perhaps, but not the kinda yelling that was happening an hour ago.

Mikey wasn't one to be worried, but this was a huge mystery to him. He knew the only way to find out the truth was to head back into the dojo. He wasn't surprised to see April there, but when the door opened behind him, he just barely was able to wave to Casey, wondering what he was doing there. The vigilante sat next to his wife, who was seated next to Don. Again, not unusual, though it was odd that Leo, Raph, and Master Splinter stood in front.

Now Mikey was worried.

Placing himself on Donnie's left, he looked around at the sad faces. He was getting up the courage to ask 'who died?' when Leo spoke.

"I'd like to think that a decision the three of us made a year and a half ago was the best course of action," the elder turtle began. "To be truthful, it was the only course of action we could think of at the time. We…we wanted to spare you the pain, spare our family the pain. But…it would be wrong of us to spare you a pain you don't remember or even know about."

"The error is mine," Master Splinter replied. "It was I that requested these things be done and it is I that requested they be carried out by my older sons. If there is any blame, let it rest with me."

"If you wanna know what happened," Raph whispered. "Master Splinter can help. It's up to you if you want everyone else to know."

"I…I don't get it," Mikey asked, confused. "What exactly happened when?"

"I want everyone to know," whispered Donnie, trying to keep his excitement down. "It's the least they deserve."

The aged rat looked at his older sons; clearly they were still uncomfortable with this. "Sometimes the pain of one must be shared by all," he said. Nodding, he motioned for Raph and Leo to sit while he sat himself. "We will be sharing in Donatello's memories," he said. "This requires deep focus. I'm afraid I pushed many of them back, so it will be difficult to bring them to the forefront. I am saddened to say that those memories of meeting young Lindsey Ballard may be irretrievable. Close your eyes, all of you, and focus on your breathing…"


	5. Chapter IV

A/N: Quick note to thank those that are keeping up with this. The scenes here are a bit disjointed, which is how I wanted it. Again, please check out "Latent Image", the ST Voyager episode in which this is based on. Even if you aren't a Star Trek fan, I can guarantee you will enjoy that episode.

DISCLAIMER - TMNT and all its characters are properties of Eastman, Laird, and Mirage Studios. Star Voyager is property of CBS studios and based on the creation of Gene Roddenberry.

_

* * *

_

**Total Recall**

_Chapter IV_

* * *

_It was like any night, fairly clear with a slight chill. They were on a pizza run, well Mikey was on a pizza run; he had only let his little brother tag along on his junk run if it meant he could get a pizza. Normally, Donnie wouldn't have volunteered Mikey's services, but the guy could only break his MP3 player so many times until it required replacing._

_And Donnie wasn't replacing anything unless Mikey came with him._

_They took the scenic route. It was nice to be out of the lair, even if there wasn't anything particularly going on in the city. Patrols for them were usually down to two people, only four when they got really bored. While the city that never slept was peaceful without alien invasions and global takeovers, there was still crime in its streets._

_Like the one they were coming upon._

_A young brunette, college kid by the looks of it, made a mistake in walking by herself so late at night. While she managed to take one guy out, there were still four more and they didn't take kindly to their friend being hit by a girl. Especially a very pretty girl._

_"C'mon baby," laughed one guy. "Play nice. We'll let you go, once we have some fun."_

_"Really boys," Mikey smirked. "Five against one, so not fair."_

_"About we even the odds a bit." Don said._

_It was quick, fairly efficient, and the girl didn't scream in terror like the majority did. She kinda just looked at them funny. "I give her five seconds before she starts screaming," Mikey joked._

_"Are you alright?" Donnie asked._

_"Yeah," replied the girl. "Sorry. Shock, I guess. No, I'm okay. I mean, thank you."_

_"No worries, miss!" Mikey exclaimed, doing a dramatic pose. "Wherever there is trouble, we'll be there."_

_Donnie just rolled his eyes. "This is why I don't take you anywhere."_

* * *

_They were in an apartment. A dark apartment and they were hiding. Raph complained he was standing on his hand, which was a lie. That was clearly Leo next to him. They heard sounds, then voices before the back entrance opened._

_"And then…" that was the voice of his little brother._

_"Mikey, hold on," that was a feminine voice. "The lights are out. I'd better call Donnie."_

_The vibration of his phone almost caused him to cry out, instead he answered. "Uh…yeah?"_

_"Hey Donnie," said the woman. "My lights are out again. Could you come over and look at them?"_

_"Um…sure," he said, wincing. This wasn't going to be a very good surprise. "Except…"_

_"SURPRISE!"_

_The woman was shocked, but happy none the less. She accepted a tight hug from Mikey, before giving him a slight shove. "I'm going to kill you," she whispered to him._

_

* * *

__"I can't believe you did this," she laughed, obviously talking to someone, talking to him._

_"It was no trouble," he said, laughing along with her. "It was Mikey's idea actually. He loves parties. Loves going to them, loves throwing them…"_

_He liked her, he really did. She was smart and talented and beautiful. She didn't scream like most people they had rescued and Donnie always got the sense she was hiding something from them, but they had only just met a few months ago and even that had been a fluke. They way they kept running into her was cosmic at best._

_"I can't thank you enough for saving me," she whispered._

_"It's what we do," he responded. "Besides, don't think I don't know you're just coming over to see my brother."_

_The two laughed and he watched as the woman looked over towards his brother, who was apparently telling quite a funny and embarrassing story._

_"I think he likes you too, Lindsey."_

_"Picture time!" Mikey was of course full of energy tonight. He bounded over, putting an arm around Lindsey's shoulders. "Don't think cause you're the birthday girl, you don't get picture time." Lindsey giggled, a small blush on her face and Donnie felt it was a good time to go._

_"Good thing I brought my camera then," he said, picking up the digital camera that had been a gift from April. Months afterwards, he was still playing with it. Setting it on the counter where he was leaning, he set the timer and went over to pose with his brother and friend._

_

* * *

__They had just seen a movie, one about zombie aliens or something. Truthfully, it had been so bad, he couldn't remember what the name of it was. Looking over, he noticed Mikey and Lindsey seemed to have had a good time. Those two screamed couple at the top of their lungs, even if Mikey hadn't gotten the vibe to ask her out yet._

_This was supposed to be the night, but the old turtle luck was in prize form and Donnie had been elected 'chaperone' for the evening. But lucky for Mikey, Donnie was his favorite brother, so he sat five rows away while they had their cuddle time or whatever it was they were doing. He didn't know, he was playing Tetris on his PDA._

_They were making their way through Central Park when he wanted to take a picture. He hardly went anywhere now without his camera and his used it when he could. It was a perfect night and perfect conditions for a nice candid shot. Mikey chided him on bringing it. "Surprised you didn't bring your goodie bag, too."_

_"I would've," he retorted. "But Master Splinter said if I took the camera, I couldn't take the goodie bag. Though he doesn't know I snuck out my PDA. What if I got an important email or something?"_

_"Or something," Lindsey giggled. "Last one, Donnie-boy."_

_He set the camera on a bench and set the timer. "Say cheese."_

_

* * *

__They were walking Lindsey home._

_She and Mikey were talking; he was looking through pictures on his camera._

_That's when it happened._

_They were taking an alley shortcut when they heard something, like a loud bang. "What was that?" Lindsey asked. When they turned, it felt as though the ground beneath them moved. When they turned back, there he was. They had never seen him before. He was armed; they didn't know him, but Lindsey apparently did. "Oh no."_

_"Oh yes," he said. "I have you now and there's no escape, unless you want this planet destroyed too."_

_The ground shook and rumbled again. It made him stumble and drop the camera that was still in his hands. When he looked up, the man was aiming at them, shooting three bursts of some sort of high energy beam. It was in slow motion. Lindsey pushed him to the side. The beam grazed under his arm, but he still fell. The second and third hitting Mikey and Lindsey._

_He was in pain, but aware. And armed as well. He was right handed, but he had shurikens, but his right side hurt. He used his left hand and threw several. Three, four, maybe? One struck their assailant in the throat, injuring or killing, he didn't know. They took him, his people, as he was falling to the ground. He had cobwebs in his head, but he was awake. Aware. They needed him._

_He suddenly had his shell cell in his hands; he couldn't remember grabbing it, but then Leo was on the other side and he was screaming. "I need you down here! We got ambushed! Mikey and Lindsey are down, possibly critical." He didn't wait, couldn't wait for Leo to figure out what he meant. They had the Battle Shell and the tracker was automatic._

_He reached Lindsey first. He checked for a pulse, it was erratic. She was bleeding, heavily. He had blood on his hands. He checked Mikey. He was semi-conscious. He was bleeding too. Donnie was light headed. Was he bleeding? "…happened?"_

_"We got attacked," he answered, knowing Mikey could barely understand what he was saying._

_"How is she?"_

_"She's unconscious," he whispered. "Don't worry, Mikey. Our brothers are on the way. Everything will be okay once they get here."_

_"Did…et…him?"_

_"Yeah, I got 'em, bro. I got 'em."_

_He needed to think, needed his PDA. Thank God. It wasn't the best, but it could check some of their vitals. Oh no. Oh God no. Lindsey was going into shock. Why was she going into shock? There wasn't a lot of blood. Unless…brain injury? And now Mikey. Oh God, not his little brother! There was no neuro damage. How the hell were they losing blood? Shock?_

_"What the fuck!?" He said it out loud. He rarely cursed, but what was he going to do? How would he get them downstairs? No. No no no no NO!_

_

* * *

__He was in the Battle Shell. He couldn't remember getting there, couldn't remember Leo and Raph there. But there he was, in the back with Raph, checking and bandaging. Mikey had stopped breathing for a second. Was it a second? It felt some much longer. The blast hit them in the chest – was there internal damage? He checked. It didn't sound as though there were fluids, but it didn't matter. They should've been fine, a slight concussion. That should be it._

_But their vitals fluxuated._

_Why were they fluxuating?_

_

* * *

_

_He was rushing in the lab. He couldn't remember getting there, but he remembered the feeling of dread. They weren't getting better, they were getting worse. Their brain functions were off the charts, but why? What was that weapon? What had it done?_

_"She's not gonna make it, Donnie!" his brother shouted. "She's going into shock or something! Her brain signs are all over the place!"_

_"That doesn't make any sense!" he exclaimed._

_What the hell was happening?_

_He looked at the readings again, at the monitors. Their nervous systems. Their nervous systems were collapsing. Why the hell were they collapsing? _

_"What the fuck happened out there, Donnie?"_

_"We were stopped in the alley," he replied. Think, think THINK! "He fired something at us. Something obviously not meant for people not of his world. It's causing neuro damage at an incredible rate."_

_"Well, do something!"_

_"I'm thinking!" Why couldn't he THINK!? "I gotta stop it somehow," he murmured. "It's gonna require surgery, a really complicated surgery. I don't do surgeries. I'm an engineer. I'm a fucking scientist, not a god damn doctor!"_

_"Donnie!"_

_He couldn't breathe, oh no he couldn't breathe. It was so hot in the room. "Gotta do something," he whispered. "Anything! Separate…if I block it, whatever it is from getting to their brains, they'll be fine. Yeah, yeah, that's a good plan." He looked between Mikey and Lindsey. How the hell would he do this? "Raph, I need you!" he called. Teaching Raph was a good idea, he made a good assistant. "Get everything from the tray, fuck it, just bring everything over here!"_

_"Whatcha thinkin'?"_

_"That weapon did something, is doing something to their nervous systems," he said. "I think I can stop it. But…it'll take time, but I only got time for one person."_

_"Talk me through it, bro," Raph said._

_"Don't be silly," he giggled. Life and death and he was giggling. "I can't instruct you on something this big by talking you through it."_

_"Then choose somebody or they're both dead!"_

_He doesn't remember the surgery. He vaguely remembers the flat tone on the monitor behind him as Lindsey Ballard died._

_

* * *

_  
_He only remembers the beginning of the funeral. It was done quickly, in an area of Central Park. She had no family, no one who knew her other than the five of them. Only three attended. He remembered Leo's words –_

**_"We honor this woman as our friend and mourn her loss as deeply as her presence brought us joy. We will remember her in our hearts and our memories."_**

_Our memories._

_Memories._

_

* * *

__He can't stop thinking about her._

_Mikey doesn't remember anything; about that night or about the woman that died beside him._

_Donnie remembers though._

_He's obsessed. _

_He can't find any record of her and that bolsters his claim of her being from another world, another universe. Do her parents miss her?_

_His father treats his injuries when it's over. He has been lucky; it was a scratch._

_She saved his life._

_Like he had saved hers once._

_And he has just murdered her._

_He can still hear her laughter, can still see her face. His camera is okay. They find it where he dropped it. It's a little banged up, but okay. Her picture is still on it. She's smiling at him._

_Taunting him._

_How can his family think of eating? Of sleeping their nights away? Lindsey is dead, because of him. He let her die._

_Mikey doesn't remember. Cerebral contusion he thinks, though logic would dictate that their attack should not have caused something so large. He thinks it's sad._

_Mikey doesn't remember._

_He doesn't remember a brunette that he had a crush on, a woman who could've been his girlfriend, if not for a time. If she truly was not of the Earth's human population, would she have been his wife?_

_He's murdered his sister-in-law._

_His brother's wife._

_He can't stop thinking about her._

_Mikey doesn't remember._

_Donnie does though._

_

* * *

__He was depressed._

_He knew that. He was an intelligent turtle. He knew the signs. He's been depressed before after all._

_He knows._

_He doesn't know that he's slowly losing his mind, that he's going to go crazy in two days, all because Raph will ask him what kind of cereal he wants._

_He will look between the nutty goodness of Honey Nut Cheerios and weigh them against the sugar of Fruit Loops. He will make a comparison between the cereal and two patients. _

_He will slam down the box of Fruit Loops._

_He will throw the box of Honey Nut Cheerios against the wall._

_He will rant and rave how he killed an innocent person._

_His brother will sedate him._

_

* * *

__He will forget for two months. _

* * *

_He forgot and went on with life._

_Life is a cruel mistress._

_They are running, on a nightly patrol. Mikey is feeling better now, Donnie is feeling better now, things are how it should be. They run across a familiar scene – group of guys harassing a young woman. They jump from the roof and rescue her. The woman is stunned at first, but then her phone starts to ring. It's the theme for some wrestler and it never would've mattered before, but this time it did._

_It was Tazz's theme._

_It was the sound of a heart beat and then flat line._

_He was in the lab, trying to decide who should live and who should die._

_"Then choose somebody or they're both dead!"_

_He chose his brother._

_And in turned killed Lindsey Ballard._

_It started all over again._

_

* * *

__This wasn't Donatello's memory._

_This was Leonardo's. _

_And he was scared._

_He didn't get scared much anymore, but now he was panicked. And his brother Raphael was panicked too. Donnie was losing his mind and now Mikey got these severe headaches that wouldn't go away. They were both worried. Hadn't Donnie said signs of headaches after head trauma were bad?_

_They never did find the person or persons who had attacked their brothers. Even the police didn't know. There had been disturbances that night, but no leads. How could they help? What could they do?_

_Master Splinter must've been scared, too, because he called them in one day. He sat them down and looked at both of them sadly._

_"As the oldest of your brothers," he said. "I have trained you both on what to do in case I were to leave you." He stopped their protests. "I have trained Leonardo to be the leader of all of you, to continue the duties that I would do if I was still here to guide you. I have spent many months, Raphael, guiding you as well, to try and temper your anger so that you may be a pillar for your brothers._

_"Our current situation is troubling. I have meditated many hours, many days, and many months in hopes of discovering a cure to your brother's ailment."_

_"And…have you found something, Master?" Leo asked, tentatively._

_Splinter sighed, in quiet defeat. "The answer to our problem, I fear, did not come easily to me," he whispered. "I have taught you all the higher powers of meditation, that one can achieve great things through thought alone. Do not forget the treachery at the hands of the mystic ninjas when they bent our minds to their wills. Meditation can be used many ways and in this, I feel is the best course._

_"I believe that through meditation, I can make your brother forget these events, purge them from his mind so he cannot be reminded. He cannot dwell on that in which he does not know."_

_The seriousness of this meeting was there on the table. They had always used meditation as a form of relaxation, of focus for their training. Now their master, their father was telling them it could be use to erase their brother's memory._

_"I do not ask this of you lightly," the master continued. "I come to this conclusion with a heavy heart. As my oldest children, I expect you to watch over your brothers, no matter the disagreements that may occur. I will not do this unless you both decide for it. We will look for ways until the end of time if you wish it, but I will not make this decision without your blessing. Both of them."_

_He had given them a day, a day to decide if this was the course of action they wanted. Leo sat in the dojo, Donnie was locked in his lab. That scared him. Donnie wasn't prone to mad capped insanity. But he didn't know this Donnie; it was like he didn't know his own brother. Donnie would never hurt anyone! They knew Donnie didn't kill Lindsey, he had to make a choice in the time frame he had, and as it hurt Leo to think of it, family came first._

_Raph joined him, paced around him, clearly agitated. Raph hated this, he knew. His brother hated when he could do nothing, hated invisible enemies he couldn't protect his brothers from. He took his role as protector seriously, just as Leo took his role as leader seriously. "He's locked in his lab," he muttered._

_"I know."_

_"He's thinking about it again, I know it!"_

_Leo nodded._

_Raph ripped one of his sais from his belt and threw it into the punching bag. "He needs to stop thinking about this!" he roared. "That's all he does! He's driving himself mad!"_

_"I know."_

_"He needs to stop." _

_Leo looked at his immediate younger brother. He knew the outward appearance seemed menacing, tough as nails, but he knew his brother. It was the same look he had seen when they were children and Raph of all people had a nightmare. He'd look him in the eyes and deny there was anything wrong, though he shifted back and forth, hoping his older brother would let him crawl into bed with him._

_Raphie was scared._

_Leo was scared._

_Their father was scared._

_"He needs to forget."_

* * *


	6. Epilogue

A/N: Hey everyone! So sorry about the delay on this. I'm writing two new fics and got swamped with work, so I haven't been able to do much of anything. However, wanted to say sorry and then give you the conclusion to this. Tons of thanks to my reviewers and people who've put me on their alerts. Again, I've got two fics in the works, so I hope you'll join me for those as well.

DISCLAIMER: TMNT and its characters are property of Eastman, Laird, and Mirage Studios. This fiction is based on events from Star Trek Voyager "Latent Image" and is property of CBS studios and Gene Roddenberry. The poem at the end was written by Tokugawa Ieyasu (1542-1616) and can be found in its entirty on Samurai Archives .com under 'death poems'.

* * *

**TOTAL RECALL**

_Chapter V_

* * *

He came back from his trip, confused and saddened. He looked at the others – April seemed quiet, but not so surprised, where Casey was shocked. Mikey looked sad, but confused. After all, he didn't remember any of that.

"We started giving you tea," Leo replied, once he saw everyone coming out of their trances. "You remember the stuff Master Splinter used to give us to help us sleep when we got sick? Once we knew you were asleep, we started the meditation. After a while, Master Splinter didn't need us to be there. But then you came across the pictures you took from her party and you asked who she was. That's when Raph and I decided that your memories needed to be purged, so did anything that would remind you of that time.

"We got lucky that you were distracted with this; you left your desktop open, so we didn't need to worry about your password. We had to be careful; you'd know immediately if someone was on your computer, so we had to erase everything we could think of."

"You left your little computer in the lab," Raph added. "After…after Lindsey died, you'd be in there, trying to discover what had happened, why it had happened…Before, you had been telling Leo that you were putting all our medical files on your computer. We had to find those and delete them, burn your handwritten notes to make sure you didn't come across them."

"Do you understand, Donnie?" Leo asked, shakily. "Do…do you understand now why we had to do what we did?"

Donnie sighed. "Yeah," he whispered. "I understand that I murdered a perfectly healthy young woman. No wonder you had to go so far, after what I did." He stood quickly, pacing the floor, clearly agitated. "I'm a scientist," he said. "An engineer. I'm supposed to keep my objectivity in all areas, especially if I'm going to be the resident doctor around here, but I couldn't do that, could I? I had two patients with an equal chance of survival and I choose the one I'm closest to? My brother!? No matter the circumstances, I had the opportunity to save the lives of two people and I made a decision to only save one! No wonder you had my memory erased. After what I did!

"You were right. It was a good idea; erase my memories! Hell, I'll help you! I'll start erasing today, starting with this very moment, this very day, this…"

Donnie felt the pinch right before his lost consciousness in his brother's arm. Leo hugged his brother from behind, laying him gently to the mats below. Don had been in such a rant, he hadn't seen his older brother come behind him to touch one of his pressure points.

"Here we go again," Raph muttered. "For a fourth time!"

"What do we do?" Mikey asked, timidly. He was staring at Donnie with such a heartbroken expression on his face. He couldn't say he wasn't upset at knowing he was being drugged, but he didn't remember any of what he saw. And that saddened him, too. There was this girl whom he liked and who clearly liked him, who had been snatched away before her time, before their time together. And worst, they had no idea who her killer was and where to find them. But Donnie, Donnie remembered everything, endured so much cause of him and it was tearing him up from the inside out. It was just all so sad.

"Taking his memories didn't work," Leo whispered. "Letting him handle it didn't work…will nothing we come up with work?"

"My children," Splinter replied, addressing everyone in the dojo. "Now is the time we stop running away from this pain we have inflicted on ourselves. Perhaps it is better to let Donatello explore his thoughts and feelings on this matter. The difference this time is that we will all help him come to grips with this and perhaps in time, come to grips with this ourselves."

* * *

_Epilogue_

* * *

_May 30th_

_We've been here, at the farm for a week now, and only two weeks since a mystery surrounding Mikey and Donnie was revealed. Mikey is coming to grips with what's happened, but he's having an easier time as his head injury has allowed him the advantage of forgetting._

_Donatello on the other hand…I'm so worried for him. He is the most gentlest and nicest person I have ever met, forget that he's a five foot talking, walking turtle. It crushes me to see him now, to see how tormented he is over the whole thing. We've taken to watching him now, around the clock. Sometimes he sits in quiet contemplation; other times he rants and raves over the decision he had to make._

_The decision made by Master Splinter and followed through by Leo and Raph seems a good one, even in hindsight. Though I was furious at not being told, at not knowing what was happening with my family, I now see the merits of it. As I said, seeing Donnie so torn up, so despondent kills me a little every day._

_It's been hardest on Leo and Raph, who's decision to keep the memories away and then for letting Donnie deal have hurt them the most. They are most likely to take the longer watches, even though we have all offered to let them rest when need be. It's so strange to see these two, the strongest people I know, seem to crumble under the weight of these troubled times._

Donatello sat in a chair by the corner of the attic. This was the usual place the guys slept while staying at Casey' farmhouse, but circumstances had let Donnie take the room by himself, while the others split into the second bedroom or the living room. Usually he had a roommate with him, whoever decided to watch over him during the day and night. He lost track at who he saw; he was losing sleep he knew, but he just couldn't make himself care.

He had killed someone.

He had never killed anyone before.

Sure in their fights with the Foot or the Purple Dragons, he fought back, but it was to disarm and subdue. Even when they had gone up against the Shredder, it had been Leo who engaged their enemy and Leo who had destroyed him. He had tried for so long not to hurt anyone. He was a murderer.

Wasn't he?

It wasn't as if he purposely had killed her. He hadn't stabbed her in the heart or beat her to death. He only had so much time to do what he needed to and unfortunately, he could save only one person. And it did hurt, that this nice young woman had to die so young, but Mikey was his brother. He'd known the guy all his life; he had just met this girl. And it wasn't as if he had abandoned her in that alley. He did everything he could!

"When I think about it," he said a loud. "There wasn't anything I could've done."

"What do you mean?" asked a voice, sleep hinging on weariness.

"The primordial atom... burst," Donnie continued. "Sending out its radiation, setting everything in motion. One particle collides with another, gases expand, planets contract, and before you know it we've got nature and technology and chicken soup. In fact, you can't help but have nature and technology and chicken soup because it was all determined twenty billion years ago!"

Leonardo rubbed his eyes with one hand, gripping the book tighter in his other. Donnie had been like this for days, either calmly sitting in that chair in the corner or making scientific observations and proclamations. Leo had listened to it many times, had heard the others say as much too. He heard the sound of someone coming up the stairs and he nodded when his saw Raphael in his vision.

"I don't think he's even aware what he's saying anymore," he muttered, once his brother was in earshot.

"Let me watch him," the red clad turtle whispered. "You've been up here for seven hours already."

"I'm alright," Leo replied, though Raph could clearly see his brother's exhaustion. "Give me another two hours and I'll go to bed. Promise." He could tell his brother was reluctant, but Raph didn't say anything. Just gave Leo a quick nod before heading back downstairs. The elder turtle sat back down and began reading again.

"How can you possibly be reading at a time like this?"

"Helps me think," Leo responded.

"And what exactly do you need to be thinking about?" Donnie demanded.

"You," Leo replied, glancing up. "This book has a lot to do with you."

"What're you reading?"

"Japanese poetry," he answered. "About life and death."

"Oh," Donnie said, sarcastically. "How quaint." He was quiet for a time before saying, "I killed her countless times over."

Leo sighed. "How so?"

"Causality," Donnie replied. "Probability. For every action, there is a reaction. That's science! It's undisputed! For every action, there are infinite numbers of reactions that could occur and in all of those, I am responsible for killing Lindsey Ballard!" He stopped himself, his face looking confused. "Or did I? There are so many possibilities, paths that could have led me to her once again or that could have led without us ever meeting her."

He paused, wondering what his older brother would ask next, only to find the turtle asleep on the cot he lay on. "Leo?" he asked, touching his brother's shoulder and startling him. "You're exhausted!"

"'m kay, Donnie," the turtle slurred. Donnie put his hand on Leo's forehead before pulling back in alarm.

"You're burning up!"

"It's nothing."

"Nothing!?" the brainy turtle exclaimed. "You could be suffering from something horrible and not even know it! You need to seek help!"

"I'm busy, Donnie."

"Busy!?" he shrieked. "Doing what?"

"Taking care of my little brother!"

Donnie bit back a gasp, one that surprisingly nearly brought him to tears. "I…" he struggled. "I'll be alright, Leo. You should have April or Master Splinter take a look at you. You need to rest."

"Are you sure?"

Donnie nodded, quickly. "I'll…I'll be here in the morning," he whispered. "I don't want to be the cause of any more suffering." Leo took one last look, before patting his brother on the shoulder and heading downstairs. The scientist watched him go, his gaze dropping to the ground and then settling on the book that Leo had dropped.

He opened it at a random page, before reading the poem that was there. "Whether one passes on or remains is all the same," he read. "That you can take no one with you is the only difference. Two awakenings and one sleep, this dream of a fleeing world, the roseate hues of early dawn."

Donnie pondered the poem for a moment, before sitting and starting from the beginning.

_THE END _


End file.
